Addicted to you
by DizniPrinzess
Summary: She wanted to forget about the alcohol fueled years of her life, but she mostly wanted to forget him. When he comes back into her life old feelings and old habits come back. Will she be able to kick this? Will she be able to give him up a second time or is there a future where they can be together, sober?


"I'm Bonnie and I'm an alcoholic. I've been sober for 8 months and 21 days now."

"Hi Bonnie," everyone says in unison.

"Congratulations," the counselor said urging her to continue.

There was a pause in the room as she prepared to tell her story. She fidgeted with a loose string on the sweater she was wearing. "It all started with him, though I can't blame him for everything, but he was my catalyst, what got me started and before I knew it I couldn't stop. It was my life, our life together and I didn't want it to change until I realized it needed to and by that point the damage had been done.

"It started at a party—typical—one of my best friend's at the time dragged me to it. We don't talk anymore.

"He spotted me first which is ironic since I was trying my hardest not to be noticed, but he saw me anyway."

_"Damon." He held his hand out for her to shake. Not wanting to be rude she took it, but offered nothing in return but a tight lipped smile. _

_"You don't look like you're having fun." _

_"It's because I'm not. I don't like parties." _

_"Then why come?" _

_"My friend dragged me. Probably just to be the DD." _

_"That sucks." _

_"Yep, but what can you do?" _

_"Say no." _

_"I did and look where that got me." _

_"I can take you home if you want." _

_"I'll be fine. Go, enjoy the party." _

_"How can I have fun knowing you're miserable?" _

_"Easily, you've known me for like five seconds." _

_"But it was enough for me to care." _

"I had never had some care about me like that. Willing to do anything ensure I had fun. I guess that's how he got me."

_ They were lying outside side by side looking at the stars. The property was beautiful especially the yard—it was huge. Turned out it was his party. Since she refused to leave he had given her a tour and led her outside so she could have some fun. It had been hours and all they had done was talk. _

_"So you're telling me you live in this fancy mansion with all this money and you've never been outside of Mystic Falls?" _

_"Well I have been some other places in Virginia, but, pretty much, yeah." _

_"Wow we need to change that." _

_"What about you? Where have you been?" _

_"Kind of all over, but I didn't really get to see much outside of a hotel room. When I was younger, whenever my Grams wasn't able to take me in, my dad would occasionally take me on his business trips" _

_"That sucks." _

_"Yeah, but what can I do?" _

_"Leave." _

_"You're crazy." _

_"Maybe, but you gotta admit, it would be so cool if we left." _

_"Yeah, it would."_

"It was so innocent then. We were just two people stuck who wanted to escape. The drinking didn't even start for a few months. We couldn't leave Mystic Falls physically, so we did it mentally."

_They were lying in his backyard by the big white oak tree. It had become a routine at this point. Damon always brought the booze. Sometimes she got tired of being drunk all the time, but things were going so well with them and she didn't want to ruin it with the truth. _

_The truth was this was her longest relationship ever, if not her first. She had a few boyfriends here and there in middle school but they didn't last past a couple weeks. And now, as junior in high school, she had had no boyfriends. Elena had Matt, Caroline had had several boyfriends, and then there was Bonnie at her measly zero, so to say she felt insecure was an understatement especially since she was far from Damon's first girlfriend. They hadn't even had sex yet and she was curious how much longer she could keep his attention. _

_Damon handed her the bottle of bourbon from his father's liquor cabinet. She winced when she took a swig–she didn't think she could ever get used to that taste. "So how was your day Bon Bon?" _

_Damon had been expelled earlier in the year for bringing alcohol on campus. It was his senior year–his ticket to getting out of the dump called Mystic Falls–but he seemed to take the loss in stride. It wasn't like he wanted to be in school anyway. His dad had been pissed, but that wasn't news–he was always pissed._

_"Same ol' same ol'." _

_"Caroline giving you trouble again?" _

_"Yep, said I'm like a stranger to her and then of course there's Elena not taking sides so she just hides out with Matt." _

_Caroline had been excited at first when Bonnie started dating Damon. Thought it might pull the stick she always had up her ass, but once Bonnie started disappearing more and more, and drinking more and more, the change was too much for her to handle. She wanted her friend back. Elena did care, but just brushed it off as the honeymoon phase. _

_"She'll get over it and if she doesn't well…fuck her." _

_"I'd rather not that could get quite awkward since I'm dating you." She smiled and then snorted at her own joke._

_ "Look at you making sexual jokes. I thought that was my thing." He feigned being offended. _

_"Nope. You don't have a monopoly on sexual innuendo," she said smiling mischievously at him while she took another swig of bourbon. _

_"You surprise me everyday Bennett." _

_"I gotta keep the mystery alive. How else am I going to keep you interested?" Though she said it jokingly they both know there was an air of truth to it. _

_"You always had me interested, from the moment I saw you." She felt herself get flushed. She was never able to take a compliment._

"I was infatuated with him. I don't think he knew it then, but i would have done anything for him…and he didn't take advantage of that which made me fall for him more and before i knew it I did the craziest thing I'd ever done."

_ It was past midnight when Bonnie heard someone pounding at her door. She had had an upsetting day at school and later with her Grams. Her actions had started to catch up with her, not even Elena would talk to her. It was amazing how alone she felt given how alone she felt with her friends, but this was different. They were purposely avoiding her. _

_ It was Caroline's Birthday last weekend and as a tradition every year since her dad left they would show up really early with ice cream they'd sneak for breakfast, then they would go ice skating, then the mall where they would let her give them makeovers, and finally the party which escalated each year in size. Bonnie had been too hungover for the first part and slept through the ice cream and ice skating, and by the time she got to the mall she was drunk again, but the real trouble didn't start until the party. _

_She invited Damon–it made sense, he was her boyfriend. It didn't matter that her friends didn't like him, that Caroline despised him and who she became around him, he was her boyfriend and she wanted to go to a party with him and have fun for the first time. _

_He wasn't the problem per say, but he was what started the fight. Eleven years worth of bottled up feelings came out that night about every party she'd been dragged her to, every snide comment about her fashion sense, but mostly how she couldn't believe they were friends with any of them. She hadn't meant to say all of that, but alcohol had a way of loosening her tongue and now all she had left was Damon who was pounding on her door like his life depended on it. _

_She didn't want to see him. He was the source of all the trouble in her life lately. After school she went to her Grams–her last chance at comfort–but she took one whiff of the alcohol stench and told her to come back when she was sober. It was almost hypocritical given how much her Grams drank, but to Bonnie this was rock bottom. _

_"What do you want Damon?" _

_"I haven't seen you in a few days." _

_"I know." _

_"Why?" _

_"Because…because things are crazy right now and I can't think when you're around." Her voice cracked. _

_"Then don't think, just do." _

_"Do what? My life is already in shambles. My best friends won't talk to me, my own grandmother turned me away, and then there's you, I can't have them and you at the same time." _

_"Then fuck them." _

_"That can't be your solution to every problem!" _

_"Why not? They turned their backs on you, not the other way around, so fuck them." She took a moment for his words to sink in. Though she knows it partially her fault, he had a point. She was always there for them even if she didn't want to be, but once she needs them they disappear. _

_"Runaway with me." _

_"What?" she said genuinely surprised. _

_ "I said runaway with me. There's nothing for us here. You always wanted to get out of this place, now is your chance."_

"My dad was gone for the thousandth time on a business trip. I didn't think he'd notice, I honestly didn't think he'd care, so I left. At the time he was right, there was nothing there for us, and I thought that now that we had finally escaped we could stop drinking, but like I said, it was too late."

"Thank you Bonnie for sharing, unfortunately that's all the time we have." Everyone got up and started cleaning the room the church had offered to hold their meetings. She was helping put away the fold up chairs when she saw him, a face she hadn't seen in almost a year, a face she left in some desert motel in Nebraska, a face she never thought she'd see again.

He waited until everyone had left to approach her. She contemplated leaving, but being in AA taught her not to runaway from her problems. She was done with that.

He stood in front of her awkwardly with his hands inside of his pockets. "Long time no see."

"Yeah, and if I had it my way it would have been even longer."

"You don't mean that."

"And why is that?"

"Because you love me."

"You're even more of an arrogant bastard than I remember."

"An arrogant bastard you love."

"_Loved_. I _loved_ you."

"_Love_. You love me and I love you."

"No, loved, and you never loved me, you loved the booze and the sex. There's a difference."

"Whatever you tell yourself."

"You know what, fuck you!"

"In case you forgot, I already did."

"You have never loved anyone or anything in your entire life, and it took way too long for me to figure that out."

"I love you."

"Stop saying that! I know you don't mean it!"

"But I do, Bon. I love you. My life's shit without you."

"Your life was shit with me."

"Yeah, but it was better. Everything was better with you, so much better that I didn't even notice the shit."

"What do you want Damon?"

"You, Bon."

"I don't believe you."

She walked away from him to her car and drove away. He decided that was going to be the last time she would walk away from him. He would do anything in his power to make her see that they were perfect for each other.

* * *

**A/N: I honestly don't know if this will stay a Bamon fic, depending on their development they might end up healthier apart, so know if you're here for Bamon it's going to be a bit of a gamble.**


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